1. It always bums everybody out.
2. And you can never experience the sadness of it just once. Some sick part of you needs to go back to it over and over and over.
3. Your relationships are usually around four minutes long and often include a large number of depressing metaphors.
4.
5. “I heard that you settled down. That you found a girl. And you’re married now.” -You to every single one of your Facebook friends.
6. NEVER MIND I’LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU *obsessively swipes through Tinder*
7. “Hello from the other side” is a phrase you frequently use at the McDonald’s drive-through.
8. “But when I call you never seem to be home” is an eloquent way to sum up the ghosting you deal with on a regular basis.
9. “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.” -Your body after taking multiple shots of tequila last night to combat a recent breakup.
10. “Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?” A question you ask yourself on a regular basis when people give you shitty advice like exercising makes you feel better after heartbreak.
11. “We could’ve had it all” is you to your slice of late-night pizza, whenever you drop it on the ground on the way home from the bar.
12. “Hello? Can you hear me? It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry.” -You to your cat, who’s not interested in cuddling right now or ever.
13. “I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me, it isn’t over” is what you would have drunkenly written in your Snapchat story last night if you had had enough room. Fortunately for everyone involved, you did not.
14. You’re convinced your experience of it is really unique, until you realize everybody else feels the exact same way.
