1. Texting someone you like way, way, too much, and asking all of your friends repeatedly if you seem insane or they hate you (you seem a little insane, they don’t hate you).
2. Falling asleep with food in your bed, and crumbs on your body.
3. Stopping at a convenience store on the way home from the bar and getting a giant sub, a bag of chips, and some ice cream, which you will eat in their entirely and wake up feeling like you punched yourself repeatedly in the stomach).
4. “Dancing” with someone you like in the club by grinding on them while holding your drink over your head and closing your eyes.
5. Quitting a terrible job with no notice, because you absolutely can’t take it anymore and the idea of coming in for another week just to quit the “right” way.
6. Showing up late to work with Starbucks.
7. Figuring out which alcohol does NOT agree with you, and which must be banned forever.
8. Accepting that an 8 AM class on Friday was a total leap of overconfidence, and that you must admit defeat and swap the class for a later one.
9. Standing outside the club during winter in nothing but a Forever 21 dress with a guy’s jacket draped over your shoulder, shivering but refusing to put on anything more weather-appropriate lest it ruin your lewk.
10. Taking hardcore advantage of “ladies drink free before X.”
11. Overdrafting your bank account for a really dumb reason, like hangover Pho. (Actually, that’s probably one of the better reasons to overdraft.)
12. Procrastinating on an assignment until the absolute last minute and spending a full night alternating Red Bull and espresso, and turning it in in a half-hallucinatory state the next day.
13. Picking the wrong person, falling in love with them, and being utterly convinced that they’re going to be Your Person forever.
14. Spending a full month not getting out of your bed unless you have to because you’re so utterly devastated by the breakup with that wrong person.
15. Not consuming anything but fast food, diet soda, and booze for a solid week. Enjoy it while your body is still capable of recovering from it.
16. “Laying out” to get your “base tan.”
17. Going home and falling asleep without removing a stitch of your heavy “going out” makeup.
18. Hooking up with someone at work.
19. Over-promising and under-delivering to too many friends because you foolishly want to keep a very big circle of friends, and you haven’t yet realized that a tight circle is key to being meaningful and staying sane.
20. Buying a plant way before you are mature enough not to kill it within a week.
21. Taking your tax return and going nuts with it instead of saving it like a mature adult.
22. Making one totally terrifying, stomach-dropping, out-of-your-comfort zone, big choice. — that might just pay off.
